Light Healer

It all started with a one day retreat in January 2010 with the fabulous goddess Zahra Haji. Part of the retreat was a little one on one time with Zahra in which she explained our yogic numerology reading. Zahra was very patient with me as the conversation went something like this:

Z: What do you see yourself as?

J: I'm a teacher.

Z: No, you're not. What are you?

J: I'm a teacher.

Z: No, you're not. What are you?

repeat a few times until Zahra finally says...

Z: Your numbers say that you are a Light Healer.

J: No, I'm a teacher.

Z: No, you're a Light Healer.

repeat above a few more times until...

J: Oh, so that explains some things...

That was a moment of transformation for me and all the pieces have been falling into place ever since, starting with the closing Mandala at the retreat that day. Instead of moving my pieces away from the others' after they repeatedly placed theirs on top of, leaning against, or under mine, this time I put my smaller piece off to the side, alone, but allowed the others to 'pile on' my larger piece which was the central anchor of the mandala. In discussion afterwards, I didn't even get to finish my sentence "Did you guys notice that I was running away and didn't want your pieces close to mine the first time?" before the chorus of "Yes!!!!" started, and then I shared how I suddenly felt comfortable being a support for others and didn't mind so much in the second mandala that they put their pieces all over and around mine. Several group members said that I had an energy that made them want to come to me for comfort and support, and again, things that have always been there in the back of mind started making sense.

I have always been chosen as a leader, given responsibility beyond my years, and felt a kind of separateness from my peers even as a child, even though I wasn't one of the popular kids. People always just seem to trust me. I've joked for years about being a magnet for elderly people, who have singled me out in crowned London bus stations, on the street, on tourist trips, to help them or just talk. I have had urges to comfort when seeing people crying or suffering in some way on subway trains, buses, streetcars and in public when no one else seems to even notice the sufferer exists. When I was teaching at an international language school, the younger students who were often away from home and family for the first time in their lives were drawn to me, and would often call me 'mom' and show up at my classroom door at random times for hugs. One student, who I became very close to, said he couldn't look directly into my eyes because he 'saw into my soul, and the light was too bright and scary'. A fellow artist at an outdoor art fair, who made me feel uncomfortable with his steady gaze, when I finally allowed him to talk to me said that I am a Valkyrie. Sick and injured dogs and cats on the street have some kind of special radar that draws them to me, and the day I witnessed a (endangered) sea turtle being brought ashore and mistreated by fishermen, I swear it spoke to me when it looked me in the eyes and begged me to help. Female friends who have suffered from domestic and sexual abuse, and mental illness say they feel strong when they are in my presence, and I give them the strength to carry on. These have been my 'normal' all my life.

The spookiest was in high school, when a friend committed suicide. There was an unintelligible announcement over the PA system that no one understood, but I just got up and told the teacher my friend had died and that I needed to gather our friends. I went to the classrooms of my 2 girlfriends from our group and told them the news, took them down to the library where the guidance counsellors had gathered the students from our friend's year, pulled out the other kids from our group (including the best friend of the victim) and marched them all to my house and called my mom to come home and counsel them. All this was without thought, and hardly any words, and everyone just followed me silently. I still don't know how I knew, and even the teachers who were not invovlved didn't know. I remember at least one teacher looking at me that day with a freaked out expression.

And then there was the incident in the Galapagos. A fellow passenger was horribly ill with sea sickness. When I found her crying in the morning (I know her pain personally) I just went into auto pilot mode and started taking care of her - and she was a doctor! Later in the day, she apologized and said she felt embarassed that she was following me around and clinging to me, but that she felt better when she was touching me, and even just having me within view calmed her. When I told that story to my Reiki therapist, she said "You're ready." and offered to train me.

My very first Reiki patient had a look of awe in her eyes when I finished her treatment, an express session in a plastic chair on the sidewalk outside of my building, with the noise from the street and people watching, and she told me that I have a powerful 'don', or gift, and that she saw angels around me. She later mentioned that she is from a long line of indigenous shamans, so her observations were not to be taken lightly.

I am learning to embrace who I am, accept my gifts and responsibilities that come with them, and that many people will always think that I'm just a little wacky, or feel threatened by me. As my newest associate in the spiritual path says, I am a challenge for other people.

Here I am today, feeling euphoric as I finish up the final details of the promotional materials and itineraries for the first three retreats and workshops for La Sirena. I believe La Sirena is the vehicle for me to realise my destiny in this lifetime, and I hope it will allow me to bring inspiration, healing and wonder into the lives of many who are open to it. What a long, strange trip it's been, and I hope it's far from over!